~ Jalaluddin Rumi
Ego: Why won't they just act right?
Spirit: Well, they are acting right. They are acting in the way that is right for them and that has nothing at all to do with you.
At times we become obsessed with what, whom, and how we want something to be or someone to behave. Forgetting our true purpose is to grow and transform in the service of the Universal greater good, we get tangled in a perpetual web of selfing.
So what is selfing?
Selfing has to do with actions and feelings related to our self image and our perception of what we deem we must own or possess, including people and how we go about seeking control.
Jon Kabat Zinn describes it as the inevitable and incorrigible tendency to construct out of almost everything and every situation an I, me, or mine and then to operate in the world from that limited perspective which is mostly fantasy and defense.
Phillip Moffitt talks about selfishness, self-centeredness, and self-referencing as three types of selfing which demonstrate how ego identity is created and informs our methods of interaction.
When left unexamined, the habit of selfing leads to an unhealthy reliance upon reactivity and clinging in our interactions as opposed to the awakened approach to living that allows us to simply respond to being with what is as it exists.
"The great benefit of practicing mindfulness is presence of mind within a storm of emotions." ~ Phillip Moffitt
Basic human decency includes the empathy shown by giving others the space to grow even as they move away from us in the purpose of their own path. As the mother of a daughter soon to be off to college, this is an especially difficult challenge for me.
Respect for the boundaries of another increases a sense of peace, freedom, and well being. This is the give and take that creates harmony in our personal interactions.
We are accountable to our intentions and we must be willing to embrace right action within the practice of being with what is just as it unfolds.
"We must be willing to encounter darkness and despair when they come up and face them, over and over again if need be, without running away or numbing ourselves in the thousands of ways we conjure up to avoid the unavoidable." ~ Jon Kabat Zinn
The cure for this virus of the ego mind is training to be alive in the awakened state of mindfulness.
Each interaction we experience is a golden opportunity to address our own evolvement and we must learn to operate from the framework of appropriate questioning. We must acknowledge our wanting and our fear of losing what we believe should be and examine what lead us to that belief.
When an individual or a circumstance causes agitation within us, the immediate question should not be one based in reactivity by way of clinging and asking 'what's wrong with them' or 'why are they doing this to me', but should be an awakened responsiveness that compels us to examine why another's choices are affecting us in this way.
"Change that does not lead to liberation from fear, greed and delusion is not wholesome. Furthermore, any change that does not yield more compassion and loving kindness for yourself and others is a waste of precious life energy." ~ Phillip Moffit
In His infinite wisdom, our Creator loves us enough to grant us the freedom that makes room for our choices even when that means deciding to live separate from His will.
It is not within our purpose to deny anyone the same gift.
"Free will is a precious gift from God, for it lets us love him with our "whole heart" because we want to."
~ Matthew 22:37
Have you been operating from the space of controlling reactivity or awakened responsiveness?
How can you begin showing empathy and learn to respect the free will of others?
