Life is about ongoing and inevitable change. Some subtle and fleeting, some grandiose and sweeping. Just like the seasons, a traffic light, and our face in the mirror; a change is sure to come. This truth is demonstrated profoundly in my relationship with my daughter. That I am her mother and she is my child remains consistent, though how we relate to one another today bares no resemblance to when I first held her tiny hand.
"No permanence is ours, we are a wave that flows to fit whatever form it finds." ~ Hermann Hesse
Raising children is hard. Since my daughter turned 13, I reside in a circle of hell unanticipated when I was humming Baby Einstein songs while braiding her hair. Of late I have been providing the lady lessons lecture series to equip her to handle the dangers that await her in the forest. Of the many bears she's sure to encounter, the one life principle I'd have her grasp sooner rather than later is that there is no such thing as permanence.
"The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside your control, regardless of what your mind says about it." ~ Michael Singer
Everything changes in the human experience domain. Even the cells in our bodies regenerate every 7 years. Yet we expend a lot of energy attempting to fit square pegs into round holes. Our commitment to suspending in time whom and what we treasure is at the root of suffering and breeds insanity. Once we begin force feeding someone our vision we leave no room for the Universe to unfold. When we choose fear and foolishness over faith and fruitfulness we stunt our growth in unimaginable ways that introduces ripples of distortion into the lives of others. Our wisdom is finite and we do not always know what is best. We forget nothing and no one ever belongs to us. Not even our children. All forever belongs to God.
"Each of us has a variety of habitual tactics for avoiding life as it is." ~ Pema Chodron
Just as my relationship with my daughter has evolved so will every situation, circumstance, and association we cultivate. Our life force energy is not stagnant nor is it meant to be. Unfortunately, we sometimes lose sight of the adage, "the best is yet to come." Instead we hoard our experiences and cling so tightly that we choke life from our evolution by not making room for the next blessing. Once we hinge our happiness and security on a person or thing refusing to release it or let it grow, we live in fear of loss and we defy the lessons life has to teach us. As a mom, this is a bridge I have yet to cross, but when the choice is presented, I must release my daughter into the life that God has planned.
"Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God, our Father who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow." ~ James 1:17
As part of her self-preservation package, I am teaching her the only relationship that is reliably consistent and permanent in nature is the one that originates with our Creator. Our interactions have highs and lows and her connection with me will one day transition from the physical realm back to the spiritual. As painful as the acceptance of that reality may be, no amount of resistance can alter this fact.
"The only permanent solution to your problems is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality." ~ Michael Singer
Every mother believes she knows what's best for her daughter and possesses a fervent desire to guide her choices. But in this area, I must work to keep my ego in check. "Feed me Seymour," is the ego's mantra and it is never satisfied. The ego wants what it wants and cares very little for our personal health and well being. Ego throws us in a trick bag of self-important make believe that assures us that what we desire is what someone else needs. Ego convinces us we have permission to negate another person's power of choice and when we live under its rule our reality gets warped. We have to step into the real world and slay the ego dragon to embrace a life of peace and freedom for ourselves and those we love.
"You swore you loved me, and laughed and warned me that you would not love me forever. I did not hear you. You were speaking in a language I did not understand." ~ Thornton Wilder
And what shall I tell my beloved daughter about boys? I have yet to deliver that lecture from the lady lesson series. And though, I shudder to think of her first disappointment in love, reality dictates I must accept I can do nothing to prevent it. I can only tell her what my grandmother told me, "Baby, follow your heart, but take your brain with you."
How can you break from the illusion of permanence?
What ways have you prolonged suffering in your life?
What avoidance tactics do you use to resist change?
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