~ C. JoyBell C.
The call to Motherhood is a profound one indeed. It is a ringing of your spiritual alarm clock. A cosmic summons that places you on the pruning path to increased self-awareness and clarity. When I chose to become a mother my greatest capacity for love burst forth and though I am still unsure as to whether they were rejoicing along with me or weeping on my behalf, I heard choirs of angels. For many, the call is answered in thoughtful planning. Nevertheless, often it can show up like confetti exploding from a surprise party trick canister. It is a heady decision filled with highs and lows and at no time had I been so panic-stricken yet so aflame.
Before the births of my babies, I focused the pursuit of my happiness on creating the perfect relationship and while, loving a man helped me learn the immeasurable value of defining my personal and emotional boundaries consistently, nothing has revealed my truest self the way tending the garden in which my children are planted has done.
"I will comfort you as one is comforted by his mother."
~ Isaiah 66:13
A mother's heart exists close to the heart of God. And when Motherhood beckons, there are life-altering choices to be made. The genesis of our soul ties rest with our Creator, however, along that golden strand we first find our mothers. Good, bad, or indifferent, no earthly relationship defines or defeats us to a greater degree. Insert the Freudian themed music here, if you would like. To love as God does, nurturing His children in every circumstance, those resulting from our own flawed choices or the natural unfolding of the Universe is what is required of a mom. Of course, God's omniscience grants Him a clear advantage above the most challenging part of our motherhood journey. Living at the edge of the unknowing. I once offered support to a teacher friend whom after receipt of her blessed news began agonizing over her readiness to take charge of a tiny human bundle.
"I'm with children all day, everyday, but, I'm not sure I can be what my own child needs. What if I get it all wrong."
"Your baby and the mother he needs will have the same birthday. The accord concerning your readiness has been made and the two of you have been chosen for one another," I assured her. She seemed relieved as we bonded in the experience of that familiar heaviness, the beginnings of stepping over into that unknowing as she leaned into one who had already been there.
“But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins.” ~ Mitch Albom
My grandmother once told me, "you have never been so in love, nor will you ever be again. And you will never know how deep the wells of anger, fear, frustration or heartbreak run until you have embraced a child." Grandma was so right. Being a mommy is a trying, sometimes tiring sojourn. The emotion laden layers of devotion, disagreement, and finally detachment when the time comes to nudge your beloved eaglets from the nest can be exhausting.
Nowadays when I complain to my mom and share my plans to toss my teen-aged daughter into a volcano as a sacrifice to the gods, she always responds with, "Well, she's your daughter." Until recently, this would frustrate me to no end. I wanted answers not implications. I finally grasped the wisdom in her response. My daughter is a mirror for my self-healing just as I have been for my mother. Our relationship now lives and breathes along that golden strand as a bridge between my understanding the challenges in my emotional exchanges with her grandmother.
A mother treasures many things in her heart. And no relationship has elevated my existence more than the fasting of my hand and my heart to the Earth Lights I am blessed to call my children.
How have your experiences in Motherhood increased self-awareness and clarity in your life?
What wounds have you begun healing as a result of your relationship with your children?
