Honoring a Queen: Dr. Maya Angelou

"You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don't make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can't take their eyes off of you." ~Dr. Maya Angelou

When I was a little girl, my mother gave me your novel, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, and from the moment I finished it, I knew I wanted to write. 

"Nothing will work unless you do." ~ Maya Angelou

I can hardly measure the value of the inspiration you have poured into my life. There will never be enough cups to hold the abundance of wisdom you have shared. I along with you had the benefit of being raised by a wise and loving, no nonsense grandmother who believed in me and convinced me to believe in myself. Like you, in the shadow of her spirit, I was pruned and shaped into a warrior fit for the love battle that rages on, in and around us all.

"Be a rainbow in someone else's cloud." ~ Dr. Maya Angelou

As a counselor, I work from the example of your love witness Dr. Maya. Always mindful to listen for the rise of the wounded places before applying the salve. Never forcing wisdom upon anyone, just the gentle offering of an out-stretched hand. Always careful not to crush the spirit while coaxing a weary fellow traveler into their unique awakening.

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it." ~ Dr. Maya Angelou

You taught me I could be powerful and elegant, regal and humble, strong and though always a ready warrior, I could yet maintain the softer essence of my femininity. You taught me life was a process of learning by listening, of growth, and discovery. And that our work on self is on going and never done. You warned me there would be challenges, but if I remained open and teachable I would come to understand and see the joy in every moment I was granted. Most importantly, you told me God loved me. And that truth is what I base my very breath upon, for it keeps me empowered for the journey.

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." ~ Dr. Maya Angelou

Rest in peace and power great Queen Maya. You have earned your rest in Paradise. In sadness I will recall the day of your passing, in joy I shall honor your legacy.

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The Wisdom of Balance

“A wise woman recognizes when her life is out of balance and summons the courage to act to correct it, she knows the meaning of true generosity, and happiness is the reward for a life lived in harmony, with courage and a grace.” ~ Suze Orman

We must develop the ability to decipher all incoming messages to determine their potential effects on our existence.

The moments I have teetered on the edge of disaster, have taught me the importance of maintaining a balance in my daily life. I have learned I must be an active observer of events as they occur. No more blind runs leading to faulty decision making. Balance brings awareness of truth into reality; the good, bad, and the ugly. 

Unity of mind, body, and spirit is the healthy space in which I choose to dwell.

As a kid I studied ballet and gymnastics. Ms. Gloria would come to the bar making adjustments to our little bodies, knowing just the right points of pressure that align the spine, tuck the hips, round the shoulders, and lift the chin. “Balance is everything ladies. We must always begin from a point of balance. Then we will be able to fly.” A relative truth emerged on the mat with Ms. Rhonda, this time with focus on the head. “Wherever your head goes, your body follows. What’s going on in your head?”

Back then, mastery of body and mind aided safe execution of combination round offs, back hand springs, into somersault layouts or arabesque sautés switching legs with grand jetes and glissades. Physical and mental strength helped me excel in those disciplines, but what about the “flying part”? How many times do we watch in awe as a young gymnast twists, tucks and rolls her body in midair sticking a flawless landing or get misty eyed watching a dancer reveal a story through the grace of controlled lines dripping with emotion?

Of course, the mind body connection is just part of the successful life formula.

You can be a physical powerhouse and a wonder of intelligence with enviable brain power and still lead an out of control life on auto pilot. The synchronizing of body and mind minus spirit is like a bird without wings. Out of Spirit is where the ability to fly is born and our greatest performance is on the stage of life.

Applying these principles creates the symmetry that brings peace and fulfillment to daily living. By returning to our inner temple, the place where God resides reconnects us to the Breath of Life. It is here we find our wings and the maximum capacity for extraordinary living.

To sustain joy in my life, I must have clarity as I work and walk through each day. Without awareness in mind, body, and spirit, I am unable to do this and thus invite energy into my divine space that can disturb my peace. And for a D.I.V.A in rediscovery, peace is a non-negotiable and the merging of mind, body, and spirit into my sphere of existence provides wings and makes it possible for me to fly.

In what ways has the peace in your life been disturbed?

Have you lost touch with the balancing power of your breath? 

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The Value of Silence

"I've begun to realize that you can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all its own." ~ Chaim Potak, The Chosen


"Never miss a good chance to shut up."  ~ Will Rogers

I spend a great deal of time working with middle and high school students. Last week a young lady came to class and talked nonstop. About everything, something, and nothing and she cut into any gap of stillness with more rambling. When I asked her why she feared the silence she had no response. At the suggestion she be quiet and think about it, she piped down, snatched up her IPad and began punching at the keys. 

"Be silent and listen: have you recognized your madness and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Be glad that you can recognize it, for you will avoid becoming its victim." ~ Carl Jung

I found it fascinating and frightening that at fifteen she was trading one diversion for another as a means of tuning out her own life. The glorification of busy in our culture has come at a steep price. Distraction breeds confusion and evidence of this abounds in Reality TV and websites celebrating the worst in our nature. The rampant decline in our physical and emotional well being correlates with the preference for communicating via social media means in lieu of human interaction. 

As a result we have limited what grants us dominion in the earth; our ability to read the subtle cues in tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. We have abandoned what Maslow's hierarchy of needs terms our sense of belongingness and have given up on our most important relationship. 

We behave as beings devoid of a Creator. 

What truths do we fear will be revealed in our solitary moments? The truth of why we are angry, intolerant, anxious, and controlling. The truth of why we are over taxed and unfulfilled in our careers. The truth of why we are unhappy, insecure, and manipulative in our relationships.  

In our constantly mobile fixated state, we react on impulse to situations born of our own disconnect to self. We are failing to examine how intention influences goals and what motivates us to behave the way we do; be it rational or nonsensical. If we take time to be still, we will uncover oneself as the architect of the madness. For some this is a painful reality to digest and so we seek the next thing to divert us from the actuality of our existence.  

How can we be freed from the false security of self-imposed prisons built by our own hands? The answers, all of them, lie within if we dare to look.

"When you lose touch with your inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world."  ~ Eckhart Tolle

Webster states silence is the absence of any sound or noise; stillness. In this age of distraction on purpose rarely are we alone with our thoughts and occasions for quietude are few. Like most working moms, I am ringmaster of my personal circus complete with children who are bottomless pits of exploding joy a vuvuzela might envy. I wielded power absolute under my over scheduled big top until I was blindsided by the natural circle of life occurrences: illness, dying, and death. 

Not creating space for silence exposed the imbalance in my lifestyle that set me up for disaster. 

When life came calling, there was not enough of me to draw upon to cope successfully. I became paralyzed by grief and the burden of attempting to carry on business as usual. These manifestations demanded my attention and broke through the illusion of having it all, yet being left of center. Since that time I have learned to create opportunities to see into silence, be still and pursue peace. The next time life strikes, I will be better prepared to absorb the blows.    

"To meditate, only you must smile. Smile with your face, smile with your mind, and good energy will come to you and clean away dirty energy."

Sit and smile from the inside was Ketut's advice to Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Eat, Pray, Love.
The beauty in his guidance lies in its simplicity. When we observe our lives in slow motion we begin to catch the stray glitches in the matrix that have the potential to implode into chaos.

I am by no means an emotional person, in fact, I am quite stoic. As a counselor I sit patiently everyday listening to what weighs heavy on the hearts and minds of clients, but I had no stamina for sitting alone with my own thoughts to face the abyss of self. Once I committed to "sitting and smiling" the great hallway of doors appeared and I became less overwhelmed and afraid to face the truths awaiting behind each one and over time I gained clarity. 

So sit and smile. Become a student of your inner workings and allow the divine pruning process. Much of it will not be pretty, so take courage. My grandmother used to say, "you will eventually catch up with you." And Ms. Kittie was always right.   

In what ways have you lost touch with self?
What has been your chosen vehicle of distraction?
Which truths about yourself and your life are you avoiding?
What daily practice can you introduce into your life to help you find your inner smile?

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When Motherhood Beckons

“I am first and foremost me, but right after that, I am a mother. The best thing that I can ever be, is me. But the best gift that I will ever have, is being a mother.” 
~ C. JoyBell C.


The call to Motherhood is a profound one indeed. It is a ringing of your spiritual alarm clock. A cosmic summons that places you on the pruning path to increased self-awareness and clarity. When I chose to become a mother my greatest capacity for love burst forth and though I am still unsure as to whether they were rejoicing along with me or weeping on my behalf, I heard choirs of angels. For many, the call is answered in thoughtful planning. Nevertheless, often it can show up like confetti exploding from a surprise party trick canister. It is a heady decision filled with highs and lows and at no time had I been so panic-stricken yet so aflame.

Before the births of my babies, I focused the pursuit of my happiness on creating the perfect relationship and while, loving a man helped me learn the immeasurable value of defining my personal and emotional boundaries consistently, nothing has revealed my truest self the way tending the garden in which my children are planted has done.  

"I will comfort you as one is comforted by his mother." 
~ Isaiah 66:13

A mother's heart exists close to the heart of God. And when Motherhood beckons, there are life-altering choices to be made. The genesis of our soul ties rest with our Creator, however, along that golden strand we first find our mothers. Good, bad, or indifferent, no earthly relationship defines or defeats us to a greater degree. Insert the Freudian themed music here, if you would like. To love as God does, nurturing His children in every circumstance, those resulting from our own flawed choices or the natural unfolding of the Universe is what is required of a mom. Of course, God's omniscience grants Him a clear advantage above the most challenging part of our motherhood journey. Living at the edge of the unknowing. I once offered support to a teacher friend whom after receipt of her blessed news began agonizing over her readiness to take charge of a tiny human bundle. 

"I'm with children all day, everyday, but, I'm not sure I can be what my own child needs. What if I get it all wrong." 

"Your baby and the mother he needs will have the same birthday. The accord concerning your readiness has been made and the two of you have been chosen for one another," I assured her. She seemed relieved as we bonded in the experience of that familiar heaviness, the beginnings of stepping over into that unknowing as she leaned into one who had already been there.

“But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins.” ~ Mitch Albom


My grandmother once told me, "you have never been so in love, nor will you ever be again. And you will never know how deep the wells of anger, fear, frustration or heartbreak run until you have embraced a child." Grandma was so right. Being a mommy is a trying, sometimes tiring sojourn. The emotion laden layers of devotion, disagreement, and finally detachment when the time comes to nudge your beloved eaglets from the nest can be exhausting.

Nowadays when I complain to my mom and share my plans to toss my teen-aged daughter into a volcano as a sacrifice to the gods, she always responds with, "Well, she's your daughter." Until recently, this would frustrate me to no end. I wanted answers not implications. I finally grasped the wisdom in her response. My daughter is a mirror for my self-healing just as I have been for my mother. Our relationship now lives and breathes along that golden strand as a bridge between my understanding the challenges in my emotional exchanges with her grandmother.

A mother treasures many things in her heart. And no relationship has elevated my existence more than the fasting of my hand and my heart to the Earth Lights I am blessed to call my children.

How have your experiences in Motherhood increased self-awareness and clarity in your life?
What wounds have you begun healing as a result of your relationship with your children?

D.I.V.A. in rediscovery defined

"Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” ~ John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

The Mom +Wife +Work = Superwoman formula is well celebrated and I worshipped in its temple. In fact, I was its high priestess, demonstrated by my faithful execution of prayers and passed judgments on those weaker vessels whom under the daily pressure of the American Dream cowered and waved their tiny white handkerchiefs. In my arrogance I juggled it all damn it and looked great doing it until I met the ultimate spirit crusher. That formidable bitch in the red bottom stilettos from the deepest circle of Hades.

Grief. 

She snatched the hard won "S" from my chest then strut off laughing maniacally. And I watched in slow motion disbelief as my well Bedazzled badge of invincibility shattered to pieces at my flawlessly pedicured feet.

Now we've all heard the stories of our sisters who "crack up" and forsaking hearth and hubby, kids and car pools, puppies and play dates fly off and set up camp at the foot of an active volcano, live in a rain forest tree house, or drive into the Grand Canyon ala Thelma and Louise. Within a six months period, my mother's cancer battle, the sudden deaths in rapid succession of the great aunt who raised me, my best friend since junior high, and my beloved kitty cat companion of 16 years, caused classic adrenal system overload to set in at full force. And my initial response? Why I did what any self-respecting "head diva in charge" would do, of course. I "zombied out", unsheathed my sword and soldiered on. I mean, Mother Earth may have stalled on her axis had I abandoned my post. 

Yes, I'd heard the stories and even witnessed a few firsthand. Still I adopted the mantra of the all too familiar famous last words, "Not me." However, on the morning I discovered I was unable to get out of bed the dream state into which my ego had lulled me ended. All seemed lost and the only way back to the Light was through the Darkness. There I stood at the D.I.V.A. crossroads. I had been unplugged and cast into the deep. It was there the journey of my Divine Intervention to Victorious Awakenings was to begin.

Are you at a major crossroads in your life? Have the dreams created by the illusions of your ego been shattered?

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