Embrace the Reality of Possibilities

"Listen to the mustn'ts child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me. Anything can happen chile, anything can be." ~ Shel Silverstein

As we move through the reset energy of the Winter Solstice into the dawn of a new year, we look toward possibilities. If we are wise, we accept the knowledge that anything can happen. 

Murphy's Law is the idiom that says, whatever can go wrong, just might. Upsets can happen that unravel our hallmark hall of fame moments. Our children can go astray, those we love can disenchant us, our professional choices can blow up in our faces, and our health can fail. It doesn't matter how meticulous our plans or that we have followed all the rules. 

However, there are a multitude of occasions for joy and we should never shrink from opportunities to create meaningful experiences.

The key to joyous living is the relinquishing of control and to express gratitude for each moment. The truth is our disappointments bring balance to our victories. This is the epic journey of the soul and what transforms us into a more courageous version of the higher self. Just as we embrace our joys, we must embrace our pains. 

"Fear was about possibilities. Not things that happened. Things that might." ~ Michael Grant

Life is not either or, but all and even yet more when our confidence rests in the Wisdom and Breath of Almighty God. 

Proverbs 19:21 states, "A man's mind may be full of designs, but the purpose of Jehovah is unchanging." Embrace the reality of your possibilities by trusting Him with all your hopes as a new year dawns.

Have you made peace with the wishes that seem to have eluded you this past year?
What plans are you launching as possibilities in the new year?
Are you willing to release your attachment to outcomes in the coming year?

"A new day: Be open enough to see opportunities. Be wise enough to be grateful. Be courageous enough to be happy." ~ Steve Maraboli

Recover Yourself!

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Reflecting On Birthdays

"We start as fools and become wise through experience." ~ African Proverb

I welcomed another birthday this week and I am finding as the years pass, the theme of each solar anniversary changes. This year I awakened to gratitude. Not just for family, health, hearth, and home, but for learning. 

My grandfather used to say, "God gave us two ears and one mouth for one reason; He wants us to listen twice as much as we talk."

"So then faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God." ~ Romans 10:17

I have finally begun absorbing the wisdom of my grandfather's advice. The past few years have been trying and due to my commitment to lean in and listen I have grown through each experience. Though this is a far more challenging approach to living as opposed to deflection when something doesn't feel good or suit my ego mind, it is the path to transformation and merging with the higher self.

"Age has given me what I have been looking for my entire life. It has given me, me." ~ Anne Lamott

I do not feel older, I feel wiser. Not so much because I know more, but because I am open to knowing more. I have become less fearful of the closed doors lining the dark hallway of the unknown. My surrender to the Creator's plan for my life promises that enlightenment awaits beyond each of them. 

My goal now is to want for nothing. To be at peace in each moment granted. To extinguish the controlling desires of my ego self and no longer live in resistance to change. I want to believe each year will grow me closer to Nirvana, the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. Knowing that even in difficult times I can find purpose and take meaning in every challenge, my freedom increasing with each step.

How do you view your birthdays?
Are you leaning in to your experiences as they are happening?
What are you learning from the person you are becoming?

"I said to the sun, 'Tell me about the big bang.' The sun said, "It hurts to become." ~ Andrea Gibson

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Own The Power of Saying No

"It takes effort to say no when our heart and brains and guts and, most important, pride are yearning to say yes. Practice." ~ Cole Harmonson

My mother came to live with me awhile following the birth of my daughter. Amidst her careful instruction in diaper changing, nursing, bathing, and burping the one lesson she reinforced was mastery in the art of saying no. "Stand at the mirror and practice every possible way to deliver the news. Trust me it is a necessity in parenting," she admonished. 

Not only is owning the power of your no necessary in parenting, it is vital to the preservation and self care of our inner most being.

"Always remember: you have a right to say no without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions." ~ Stephanie Lahart

In his book, The Four Agreements, Don Miquel Ruiz, advises we honor ourselves and others by learning to be impeccable with our word. Agreeing to or accepting circumstances in our lives that meet the needs of others before serving our own inner peace is a betrayal of self and those we give a false sense of security through our less than straight forward communications. 

We are to use the power of our words in the direction of truth and love and honoring our no is a healthy way of maintaining boundaries and teaching others how we would like to be treated. 

Mind you, having been born a fire sign translates to my seldom being at a loss when it comes to expressing my truth and those close to me might agree my issue falls in the areas of tact and tone.

"Tone is the hardest part of saying no." ~ Jonathan Price

Intention is everything. A no can hurt and should never be used as a weapon designed to injure the spirit of a fellow traveler nor should it be withheld out of fear. Though sometimes it may be tempting to entertain the ego self by wearing the mask of false martyrdom, this only stalls the inevitable bad news until we can no longer endure the weight of an insincere yes. 

So commit to kindness as best you can starting with yourself. We must seek to communicate with love and learning to accept disappointing news with grace is an invaluable life skill.

Know that saying yes is not always possible and that no is a complete sentence. Honor your being and the hearts of others by learning to deliver your words impeccably with love.

How often do you dishonor yourself by saying yes when you mean no?

What keeps you from owning the power of your no?
Are you carrying burdens today saying no can release you from?

"No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that. When we don't want to do something we can simply smile and say no." ~ Susan Gregg

The Journey of Friendship

"I imagine a line, a white line, painted on the sand and on the ocean, from me to you." ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

I lost another friend this past week. 

A neighborhood pal I played kickball and green light go with after school. He had taught me to ride a bike and the last time we were together we laughed heartily over a pancake dinner. 

It was a great time and though it had been many years since we were in one another's company, it felt the same. I found that his warmth and humor had never left my spirit. 

When my best girlfriend since 7th grade transitioned a few years back, I came to know a new pain, unlike the loss of a parent. 

Our friends are the ones we tell our secrets to and accomplish those bucket list items we would never let mom and dad know about. Our friends are the ones who tell the truth even when it hurts and meet us at the crossroads when we are set upon by the realities of life. And though we must move on with our lives, it is difficult to continue the journey without them.

"At sunset the little soul that had come with the dawning went away, leaving heartbreak behind it." ~ L.M. Montgomery

Of course I know grief and loss are part of the life cycle, but it does not help my heart hurt any less. And so I am initiated into a new club. One in which we bid farewells to those friendship ties we never think will be paused. A club in which we learn to accept the brevity of time and the value of shared moments and memories. 

"Don't cry for the horses
They will be back someday
When our time has come
They will show us the way"
~ Brenda Riley-Seymore

How do you define friendship?
When you reflect upon your childhood friendships what stands out as most meaningful?
What are you doing to cultivate the friendship connections you value the most?

"Friendships, especially those born in childhood, take root in us. When one is lost, a branch withers but it does not die. Joy yet lingers in the remnants of shared laughter." ~ JoiLotus

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Opportunities to Love

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." ~ I Corinthians 13: 1-3

Walking in love is not an easy sojourn and it is not meant to be. As human beings in the earth plane, we are set apart on purpose from all other beings for "giving" and for "getting" love. 

"Not only do self love and love of others go hand in hand but ultimately, they are indistinguishable." 
~ M. Scott Peck

We are soldiers enlisted by the Creator in a love war and each day we are afforded opportunities to wield a two edged sword. One side pierces through us, the other through the person or circumstance we are called to demonstrate love toward. Each sacred wound provides a place for the Light to enter. It is into these cracks the healing oil of divine compassion can be poured.

Walking in love is not weakness and does not diminish us as individuals, it increases our strength and empowers our humanity. As we begin each week anew, let us open our eyes and hearts to allow love to bloom through our lives into the universal community of humankind like never before. 

In the approaching season of peace and giving embrace the occasions to extend love and compassion to others. Expressing hatred toward self or a fellow traveler in word or deed is resistance to the Creator's command that we learn to love as He does. And why would we choose to live in resistance to our purpose?

"One love, one heart, one destiny." ~ Bob Marley

How is your personal definition of love informing your humanity?
What conditions have you placed on extending love to others?
Are you willing to embrace the Creator's commandment that we love fully in your daily life?

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive." 
~ The Dalai Lama

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Your Truth Can Set You Free

"It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates." 
~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

"You can't handle the truth!" Jack Nicholson's famous line from A Few Good Men is not far from where many of us choose to live.

Psychologist, Carl Rogers, believed in the fully functioning person concept. His research says in order to achieve a self-actualized state, individuals must learn to operate with genuine openness, self-disclosure, and acceptance of self in each moment. This leads to what he termed positive self regard. 

To be whole, fulfilled, and at peace, we must wade through the toxic sea of self-deception keeping us comfortable at one level yet ill at ease on another. Since being honest with ourselves calls us into greater discipline and accountability for our own lives, we often decide to walk in the realities we are best able to cope; blaming others for the circumstances created by our own poor choices. Unfortunately, as a result, we discover we may not be ready to commit to our loftiest goals and aspirations.  

"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." ~ Flannery O'Connor

A self-actualized existence is for many a burden to avoid since accomplishing such a state means examining the true nature of one's motivations at the deepest levels. Though more palatable to view our image in a mirror with cracks and distortions that warp our vision, we have to be willing to see clearly the truths attempting to be spoken into our lives. 

All truth reveals something within us and much of the time we fear its repercussions. Choosing self-deception only masks deeper revelations that may lead to a much needed healing by way of increased clarity and greater self-awareness.

"The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you." ~ David Foster Wallace

Unveiling those dark places of our shadow selves we are unprepared to confront reveals things about our lives for which we have decided not to take responsibility. The late comedian Flip Wilson's alter ego, Geraldine, used to declare "the devil made me do it." When in fact it was her disguised as the devil that wanted to do it and so she did. People often lie first to themselves and then others to avoid consequences. 

The truth can hurt, but it can also heal by getting us unstuck. Freeing us from habitual patterns of stinking thinking and unhealthy behavior. Truth liberates. Much of the time we fear this freedom, because what we know about we must decide to do something about and so a retreat into the imaginary realm of self sacrifice that false martyrdom provides becomes a more attractive option.  

"The truth is the light," my grandmother used to say. Though some truths are harsher than others when we are courageous enough to embrace them the possibilities for self transformation are endless. 

Accept the challenge to be free.

Do you desire to live in the freedom of your true actualized self?
When the truth of self discovery is revealed do you accept it or turn away from it?
What self-created circumstances in your life have you been unable to accept responsibility for?

"Facts don't cease to exist because they're ignored." 
~ Aldous Huxley

"People often claim to hunger for truth, but seldom like the taste when it's served up." ~ George R. R. Martin

Your Wings Work

"But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you." C. Joybell C.

"Know thyself." 

In her book, The Courage to Trust, Ann Wall states, "The person you need to trust first is yourself. No one can be as consistently supportive of you as you can learn to be. Loving and caring for yourself not only increases self-trust, it also deepens your connection with others."

Living with purpose is crucial to overall happiness and personal well being. The goals we set and dreams we pursue must be of our own unique invention. When we were children we were dependent upon others for making decisions and meeting our needs. This was unavoidable and necessary for our survival. 

As functioning adults, it is to our advantage to trust God and rely upon self; to develop our wings so we can take flight, venturing to places of our choosing minus the weight of beliefs rooted in another's reality.  

"Run my dear,
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings."
~Hafez

We must learn to be eagles that take flight and soar independently upon the wind of faith which empowers us to reach the heights God has predestined in our favor. This requires belief in His will and trust in our ability to fulfill His purpose. 

Along the road of life, disappointment is to be expected and cultivating that most important love relationship between the Creator and self helps us determine what we are willing to sacrifice and what parts of our being might be for sale.

Your wings will work when you trust God, commit to self love and self knowledge and nurturing of your authentic purpose.

How well do you know yourself?
What current circumstances prevent you from embracing your authentic self?
Do you have the courage to trust God and test your wings?

"If you were born without wings, do nothing to prevent them from growing." ~ Coco Chanel

"We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down." 
~ Kurt Vonnegut

Love Never Fails

"Affirmations are like screaming that you're okay in order to overcome this whisper that you are not ... maybe you're not okay. Well, no big deal. None of us is okay and all of us are fine." ~ Pema Chodron

I was blessed to be present at the passings of my grandparents and to have been chosen to facilitate the earth light emergence of my two children. At each event, I was overwhelmed by the gravity of the "pain" as it worked its way through my vessel, but never have I experienced love in a more sacred form. 

At the transition of my grandparents I felt the energy rush into my root chakra, muladhara, up and out through my crown chakra, sahasrara. When my children were born I was filled from the top of my head down through the bottom of my feet. Though for me, one sacred experience produced extreme grief and sadness and the other resulted in profound joy each expanded my capacity to love and I am grateful.

"When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it is bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space." 
~ Pema Chodron

We must "feel" our feelings. Love is a never ending healing stream. When we close our anahata, the heart chakra, love can neither be given nor received and this resistance creates a self constructed prison of pain. 

Shenpa is a Tibetan word meaning attachment and triggers our habitual tendency to close down and reach for relief from what we wish not to feel. Instead, consider the opportunity for growth in each love experience no matter how lasting or temporary its nature and welcome it whether or not it suits your comfort. The less joy filled episodes of separation resulting from physical death or loss of affection provide the most intense lessons and thoughts of gratitude can help us settle into each experience. 

Love never dies, it is re-purposed in the ways it is most needed and the more we allow it to pass through us, the greater our capacity to give and receive it.

Each occasion carries its own fragrance and moves with the force necessary for inner expansion. Observe your thoughts about love. Breathe in acceptance permitting the spirit of compassionate abiding to fill your temple. The energy of love is ever present and empowers each step forward in our humanity. Release attachment, bow in gratitude and be transformed into a new sense of knowing.  

Never fear love and trust that love never fails.

What do you imagine you have lost and gained in your love experiences?
How do you define love and the thoughts you have attached to it?
Are you allowing each love episode to expand your capacity to accept and give love to others?

"Riches take wings, comforts vanish, hope withers away, but love stays with us. Love is God."
 ~ Lew Wallace 

Awakening Beauty in Solitude

"I never really understood the word 'loneliness'. As far as I was concerned, I was in an orgy with the sky and the ocean, and with nature." ~ Bjork

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a psychometric questionnaire. It was designed to measure psychological preferences based on theories proposed by Carl G. Jung. According to his research people perceive the world and make decisions according to the principal psychological functions of sensation, intuition, feeling, and thinking. He believed one of these four functions is dominant most of the time.

No matter which function dominates our personality type we all need quiet time for reflection, rejuvenation, and renewal. In her book, the Artist's Way, Julia Cameron suggests weekly artist dates; a solo expedition to explore something that interests you, "a time to replenish our inner well of images and inspiration." 

"We need solitude because when we're alone, we're free from obligations, we don't need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts." ~ Tamim Ansary

Writing is a solitary vocation that requires a setting with minimal distraction and over the years I have grown fond of introverting, however, you do not have to be an artist to appreciate Ms. Cameron's advice. Consistent mind, body, spirit check-ins lead to improved balance, increased peace, and greater wisdom which makes tuning in to self a necessary and important challenge.

Solitude, unlike monophobia, is a conscious decision. Some find it difficult to dine in a restaurant, take in a movie, or embark on a weekend retreat alone. While there are others suffering in loneliness with powerful feelings of isolation that make it difficult for them to have meaningful human interactions, I make the conscious choice to hibernate at regular intervals. There is beauty in my alone time that infuses my enjoyment upon my return to my close circle of family and friends. I find that following brief periods of self imposed solitude, I grow into a freer, truer version of self. 

Release the social pressures of perpetual connection and begin to embrace your alone time. When you embark on much needed sabbaticals to commune intimately with self, you discover, recover, and uncover your true nature in the deeper realms. 

You are your most valuable resource and your very best thing. Make alone time a priority. There is beauty to be awakened there.

Which of Jung's four principals dominates your psychological functioning?
Do you make time for introverting a priority?
Have you avoided being in your own company? Why?

"There are people who like to be alone without feeling lonely at all." ~ Toba Beta 

http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

The Question of Worthiness

"May you learn to see yourself with the same delight, pride, and expectation with which God sees you in every moment." ~ John O'Donohue

I grew up with a "good girl" mentality. My grandparents raised me and I wanted to be perfect for them. I became a model of obedience; kept my room clean, did all my chores, and behaved responsibly. I believed this would show how much I appreciated all they were providing. 

In school, I was the teacher's pet and most helpful helper. I was that straight "A" student who always screwed up the grading curve. As a friend, I was the sympathetic ear and shoulder to cry on. I continued following this perfection formula into adulthood by earning graduate degrees and national certifications, career successes, and embracing the traditional model of family life.

This feeling of having to prove my worth spilled over into every aspect of my life, chasing approval through perfection, but like the hamster running inside a wheel I never arrived and as a result I had very little peace. Only when the question of worthiness presented itself during my meditation practice did I begin to see the pattern and a chance at liberation. 

"The most terrifying thing is to love yourself completely." ~ C. G. Jung

We are all at odds with our inner judge, the voice inside us that feeds our subconscious and keeps us ill at ease and living in fear of self acceptance and true intimacy. As Tara Bach states, "whether we fear being exposed as defective either to ourselves or to others, we carry the sense that if they knew, they would not love us." Any feelings of unworthiness are tied to our belief that we are undeserving which results in our inability to allow ourselves to receive unconditional love at the deepest level of the Sacred Inner Heart. 

It's interesting that I never suffered a lack of confidence or felt unloved by others, I just did not feel worthy of the love being expressed toward me. My inner judge convinced me I had to prove myself deserving by over extending to accomplish things so others would see me as valuable. 

Many venture toward another extreme, by allowing their feelings of being "unlovable" to force them to push people away, creating a facade of invincibility then resorting to methods of self sabotage to shrink back from any hint of an unconditional love offering from another. 

"Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with gold at both ends." ~ Aberjhani

Today I no longer live under the merciless rule of perfectionism. Instead of walking in my old pattern of belief, I sit and observe any rising thoughts or feelings of inadequacy and gently allow truths to reveal themselves. The more time spent observing, teaches me it is never about anyone else's love and acceptance, it is about my ability to experience love and see myself as my Creator does. He is my Source and in His eyes I am always worthy of every good gift and it is His desire to give me the Kingdom. 

Knowing that I am marvelously and wondrously made in the image of the Creator reinforces the idea that being my authentic self is all that matters. With Him I never have to do anything, I only need to be just as He made me and whosoever is in need of my Light will recognize, appreciate, and allow the experience of it.

Have you felt unworthy of the good that exists in your life?
What false beliefs about self has your internal judge been feeding you?
What life experiences have led to your feelings of unworthiness?

"As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth." ~ Charles Chaplin

What Our Fears Can Teach Us

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." ~ Jim Morrison

The National Safety Council maintains statistics on general "odds of dying" from selected causes, most of which will never happen to us, though, the odds of death from any cause are 100%.

When someone close experiences a traumatic life altering event, it is not uncommon to spiral into imaginings of "what could happen" in our own lives. During these times our fears threaten to overtake us. Since every experience is meant to magnify something within, we should use these opportunities to examine what our fears may be trying to tell us.

Our thoughts concerning death provide valuable lessons.

The stamina required to make final arrangements while tending to the estate business of a loved one is taxing. And when facing the full impact of your grief it is almost impossible. Past experience has urged me to complete this planning process on my own behalf as a loving gesture toward my family.  

Some will think this morbid and unnecessary as I am still relatively young and healthy, but for me, it is a common sense remedy that lends itself to minimizing any anxiety I face associated with my inevitable transition. Taking these actions now will benefit my family when this time is upon them.

"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less." ~ Marie Curie

In times of crises, normal concerns become magnified and can paralyze us. The recent Ebola scare has many who already dread suffering in sickness and death standing toe to toe with these common fears. An overwhelming number of those who believe in a Higher Power say that no matter what happens to their physical body, their spirit will live on, but this has not negated their increasing anxiety, though it should.

Contemplating death brings many logical concerns about how your lifestyle might be affected if the home's primary breadwinner were to become incapacitated or the individual you rely upon for emotional security were to become ill. We would be concerned about the welfare of our children and aging parents if we were no longer able to care for them. 

So let each of us examine our responses. When fear overwhelms us emotionally it is difficult to think or behave logically. Fear is a spirit that can be overcome with faith and our faith must be greater. His grace is sufficient to sustain us in any crises. Sit with your fears and let them teach you.

Are your current fears speaking to you?
What life circumstances do you fear will overtake you?
What actions might alleviate fear created anxiety?

"When we are afraid, we pull back from life. Evolution and all hopes for a better world must rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life." ~  John Lennon

Be Careful What You Wish For

"You will turn over many a futile new leaf until you learn we must all write on scratched out pages." 
~ Mignon McLaughlin

Each year as winter approaches, I consider the experiences of the past months and based upon these lessons I set goals and make plans to release my wishes into the coming new year. As usual my general list includes divine health, deeper wisdom, and increased prosperity. 

Over the years, I have discovered that though many of my desires are very personal ones, the wants of my ego self should never be permitted to take priority. All I wish for must intend to serve the greater good in Universal Love and Healing. 

"Sir my concern is not whether God is on our side. My great concern is to be on God's side." 
~ Abraham Lincoln

In her book, Beyond the Secret, Dr. Lisa Love suggests, 'before you start wishing for something, invite Spirit into the process to guide you to desire only what Spirit also desires for you.' This advice involves releasing your attachment to the outcomes of your wishes. The key to our peace is trusting that what God desires is divinely ordered and far exceeds any plans we could ever devise on our own behalf.

Shifting away from the controlling "must know" frequency of the ego self to the surrendered "need to know" frequency of Spirit does not have to be a challenge. Release your desire for guarantees that things work out as you hope and commit to the possibilities of all that God has in store. 

Better to be led by the grace of the Creator's love than dragged by the warped intention of the ego self. The finer art of peace filled living rests in the wisdom of letting go. When we choose to submit our plans to God we enter the peace that surpasses understanding. 

As a result of my decision to continue my quest to slay the ego dragon and be led by Spirit, my meditation practice has unveiled a new mantra. Your will. Your way. I'm still working out my wish list, but I am setting my ego self aside and allowing Spirit to take the lead. My ultimate desire is to let go and trust in the best Spirit has to offer. In the long term, negating my ego, will support my becoming a better mom, writer, teacher, and friend. 

"Your Will. Your Way."

Are you oriented toward Spirit or the ravenous desires of the ego self? 
Can you surrender your wishes to the ultimate intention of Spirit?
What is preventing you from trusting in the best your Creator has to offer?

"So often our greatest triumph is a willing surrender." 
~ Robert Brault

"Recover Yourself"
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Slow Down

"To enjoy just being somewhere, rather than rushing from somewhere, to somewhere. Inhaling deep lungfuls of air, instead of my usual shallow breaths. I take a moment to just stop and look around me. And smile to myself." ~ Alexandra Potter

I misplaced my keys every day this week.

Amidst all the comings and goings of everyone needing to be someplace at the same time as someone else, I have learned the hard way that losing my keys is a red flag. A sign I am backsliding into those old peace thieving habits that prevent the full experience of moments as they happen.

The hypnotic effect of this amazing race called life can be like running alongside a tire, focused only on keeping the wheel in motion at any cost; blind to whatever else might occur. At such times we are lulled into feeling powerful and in control. Only to awaken and find that we are chasing the tire not directing it. The tire has become our master. 

When rushing about, the subtle messages from Spirit that speak to our intuitive sensibilities are missed. And so the Universe steps in to slow us down with little reminders at first like lost keys and forgotten lunch boxes. If we are not careful, soon we are missing appointments, leaving the stove on, or running stop signs. 

Lessons unlearned will be repeated and each test is more difficult than the last. This is our soul work in the earth plane. Nothing is an accident and every moment occurs to teach us about ourselves. There is value in each experience, the blissful and the bitter. We must exist mindfully and absorb as much as we can. 

Rushing past pain ridden episodes does not cause us to hurt any less. Speeding through joy filled moments will not increase their number. When we do not walk in awareness we are robbed of the warmth and wisdom that awaits in the Sacred space of the Inner Heart. 

So tonight as I sit in tea meditation, I will be alive in each sip of slow reflection upon the lessons in peace and peril of this past week. I will smile in gratitude and reset my intention to be present in each moment.

And where are my keys? Atop my desk for safe keeping between my laptop and a favorite photo of my children. 

Are you chasing tires in over scheduled days?
What are the red flag indicators in your life?
Have you been missing or ignoring valuable messages from Spirit? 

"Life isn't just to be endured, it's to be enjoyed." ~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Don't Lose Yourself

"Living with life is very hard. Mostly we do our best to stifle life - to be tame or to be wanton, to be tranquilized or raging. Extremes have the same effect; they insulate us from the intensity of life." 
~ Jeanette Winterson 

The hobbies and special interests many of us enjoy often become passions. Those who are handy or artsy enjoy building and creating while others who possess a green thumb or cooking skills turn to such activities to lighten our hearts and release tensions. 

Whatever our gifts, it is through these outlets we can step back from the daily rise and grind of our must dos and non-negotiables. However, our passions are not meant to take the place of our responsibilities to work, family, community, and self health. We must be mindful of when our passions become unhealthy obsessions.

Obsession is the single most wasteful human activity, because with an obsession you keep coming back and back and back to the same question and never get an answer." ~ Norman Mailer

Using obsession as a hiding place serves as an ultimate procrastination strategy enabling us to put off that which is necessary or imperative; a harsh truth to be faced, an uncomfortable conversation to be had, a tough decision to be made.  

Once we begin to use obsession as a defense mechanism we delay the inevitable and delay is the deadliest form of denial. It requires a substantial amount of energy investment and works hard to keep unacceptable feelings from consciousness. When we incorporate these habits into our lifestyle we are in danger of falling short of living up to the things that matter.

"You become what you think about all day long."    
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The more intense the obsession, the greater the avoidance which can derail us past the limitations of our stamina. Once lost in a fortress of familiar pain we hesitate to absorb the reality of what we are doing to ourselves. 

Life is about learning through a perpetual series of ups and downs and Awakening, not unlike birth, is a painful process and having the scales removed from our eyes is an ordeal not reserved for the squeamish. This we must accept and allow in order to walk fully into the Light of our best selves. 

Look to the Creator for clarity. He is well able to support us in the ebb and flow of the waves of life and is alive alongside us in the refining flame of Awakening. 

Choose to make the Creator your passion and lose yourself in His Love.

Have your obsessions become a means of avoidance?
What inevitable truths in your life are your obsessions masking?
In what ways have your obsessions derailed your journey toward Awakening? 

"All extremes of feeling are allied with madness."   
~ Emily Dickinson

Your Race Is Yours To Run

"Today you are you. That's truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than you." 
~ Dr. Suess

Parenting teenagers has its challenges. And raising an adolescent daughter in a lightning fast technological age is daunting indeed which makes monitoring her use of social media and its effects upon her psyche of great importance. 

Leon Festinger proposed in his theory on social comparison, that as a benchmark individuals tend to choose someone they believe is better at something than they are to use as a means of improving their personal performance. Unfortunately, this tendency to self-evaluate by comparing ourselves to others, can dictate how many young women today view themselves.  

This makes nurturing the health of my daughter's self concept imperative and causes me to reflect upon who I perceived myself to be at her age and the many lessons learned.

"The race is long and in the end it is only with yourself." ~ Baz Lurmann

"Run your own race," was our junior high track coach, Mrs. Brown's mantra. Though none of us kids understood at the time, she was introducing a valuable truth into our young lives.

The lesson was brought home when I found myself on the receiving end of her fiery correction. I can still see the whistle postured at the side of her mouth, stop watch in hand.  "What was that? You were not even close to your best time and you slowed down just before the finish line. You ran slower because you were beating her. What did she have to do with your race?"

Mrs. Brown required peak performance from her runners with each race. No matter who you ran behind, beside, against or ahead of your focus was to stay on proper form and increased speed. She wanted you to win, of course, but the victory had to be a personal one; a win from the inside and your rewards would show up in the perfect time.

"We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be." ~ Mary Sarton

My goal is for my daughter to win as who she was created; to seek God and define herself through Him. We can be at our best when we trust Him and are self-determining. I encourage her to remain stable in this knowing whether drawing criticism or praise; to stay focused and forward thinking in the relay of life. 

Our purpose is to find strength to be our unique selves in Him. When running your race, there is no need to look right, left, or behind to check your progress against a fellow traveler. In seeking God we find our truest self and we have already earned the gold medal moment.


Do you fear not being accepted by others as you are?
Are the social comparisons you are making realistic ones?
What parts of your truest self are you sacrificing to be accepted by others?

"Your truest spiritual path will lead you to yourself for it is devoted to becoming." ~ Mollie Marti

Our Words Contain Power

"Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts." ~ Patrick Rothfuss

I am a lover of words; a true lexophile. I delight in lyrics set upon the wind and the pulsation that comes to life in them between breaths. I adore the dance of colloquies inside laughter. I come alive when letters fudge together on blank pages as spirals of meaning in loops conjoining straight lines like the glory found in a lover's arms. No matter the language, words enrapture and transform my existence. 

My sentiments were expressed with magnificence during the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing when dancers used their bodies to paint China's history upon a great unfolding scroll. This performance captured the spirit of what occurs between artist and muse when they frolic inside Light. The scent of forever trails along behind them; leaving pheromones of what they have created. I swoon when I reflect upon it. 

"For He spoke, and it came into being; He commanded, and it came into existence." ~ Psalm 33:9

The words we speak carry great responsibility. As a writer, I hope to unleash beauty and healing through my work as I endeavor to splash truth in love upon the page.

My grandmother would often remind me that unlike a pencil our tongues do not have erasers. "Your words are containers," she would say, "whenever you speak you release power." Though the delete button on my keyboard is handy, once words are cast into the Universe they take on the life of like energies.

And God said, "Let there be ..."

Yeshua said greater things could we accomplish than God empowered in Him to do. Armed with words which are power filled and tongues that are untamed, we must respect that when we speak we are releasing either life or death into a Universe which always hears. Our words should produce the wisdom and compassion that breeds life.

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." ~ Proverbs 16:24

Consider the current state of your affairs. Much of what has been spoken from your own mouth initiated it. Each time you declare how much you hate your job, complain you never have any money, state that you will never find love, you cannot stop eating, or you wish you could but can't do something you are speaking to your life. You are the wielder of a generative flame and just as God spoke all life into existence, you are confessing what you desire to see unfold from your being.

So learn a new way to use the authority you were given by the One from whom all form is born. Use the sword of the spoken word to your greatest advantage and become a healing spring through which Universal Life flows freely. 

Extend the same grace you have been granted and bless all who cross your path. 

Confess only Life.

How are you using the power of your words?
What has been the impact of your words on your life?
When you speak into the lives of others do your words bring healing or wrath?

"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips." ~ Psalm 141:3

Awaken The True You

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all." ~ Jim Morrison

Each day when confronted with unfavorable feelings and circumstances, we have an opportunity to open up or shut down to the experience. Whenever we find it difficult to exist within the reality of the present moment there is inner work to be done.  

Maitri is showing unconditional love and friendliness toward oneself. This concept involves training ourselves to notice when we are closing our hearts and stuffing our pain instead of exploring what we feel. Through maitri we examine our patterns of dealing with discomforts as they arise in a loving non-judgmental way.

An effective means to do this is in daily meditation practice. In true purpose, meditation is not escapism. It is a quest into realism where we allow our rubs to surface as opposed to diverting our attention from them. Meditation empowers our ability to identify the habitual triggers that distract from true growth.

"Becoming awake involves seeing our confusion more clearly." ~ Trungpa Rinpoche

When our children get into mischief we tell them to sit down and think about what they've done. This is the dialogue we should have with ourselves. Observing our thoughts and feelings to acknowledge their lessons decodes our behavioral responses. 

My teacher has helped me understand that when I become uncomfortable, less stable in my practice the soil is being overturned. The false imaginings of self that have taken root are being excavated and expelled. My practice exposes the places within my temple that serve as shields from the reality of my experiences. 

An ever deepening  practice helps me continue to embrace the inevitabilites of change. Ajna, my third eye, opens and my courage to confront challenges increases. These revelations liberate and with greater clarity I am released into the authentic realm of the senses whether pain filled or joyous eruptions.


Mirage of senses
Sincerity a stranger
My wings now healing

~ JoiLotus


When challenges arise do you welcome the lessons or do you resist them?
Are you aware of your patterns of response to your feelings and circumstances?
What prevents you from getting to know yourself at the deepest levels?

"The essence of bravery is being without self-deception." ~ Pema Chodron

Your World is Not Flat

"We all have an edge. We all are floating our psyche on top with a great ocean underneath." 
~ Brad Dourif

Being broken open by life though never pleasant is necessary for our growth. Staring at the shard pieces of our dreams and expectations is at once frightening, humbling, and all consuming.

I was swept up in the 80's television series, Beauty and the Beast, a fantastical modern retelling of the compassionate bond of friendship between Vincent and Catherine. Reflecting upon the show's theme, I find it was less about romantic love and more about how jewels of transformation wearing tragedy's disguise are hidden within our adversity to be mined to the surface.

Sadly, of course, like any epic romance, their affair met a Shakespearean end. As Vincent lamented being parted from his love, his father advised he allow the full magnitude of his grief to "crush him" promising there would be light on the other side. Since the only way out is through, it took some time, but Vincent's willingness to walk through the devastation of acceptance made it possible for him to trust in the new life that awaited on the other side of his pain.

"Sometimes it takes falling apart to see exactly how or what loosened the mortar. Sometimes we find we are responsible for the how and the what. As unpleasant as it is when it happens, one cannot help but appreciate these times, for what you learn serves as a beacon." 
~ Colleen Truscott Fry

A friend recently divorced after several years of marriage, disclosed how bitter she was at having to raise her children as a single parent. This was not her vision for her family and she quaked at the thought of redefining her expectations. "I adored my husband and I loved being his wife and I worked hard to keep our family together. I could not see past the painful ending of our union. Clinging to my disappointment had become a life line I depended upon for my survival and I spiraled down into disease and dysfunction. Instead of welcoming change and commencing into new life, I feared the unknown horizon and I questioned God's plan and His timing. My world was flat." 

We are not destined to become prisoners of our blighted hopes. Romans 8:28 reminds us that when we love God all things work together for our good according to His plan. We can trust Him with our scattered thoughts and shattered hearts. When we submit in faith to the full experience born of our losses we can be transformed mind and spirit to see our potential gain. 

As you approach the horizon, fear not to step over the edge into new promise. Your world is not flat and the unknown is not unknown to the One who loves you most and best.

What prevents your belief that new life awaits beyond your pain?
Are there potential losses you are currently facing that you are unable to see past?
What is the pay off for remaining in your self imposed prison of pain and prolonged misery?

"When you come to the edge of all the light you have known and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown; faith is knowing one of two things will happen. You'll have something solid to stand on, or you'll be taught how to fly." ~ Patrick Overton

For the Love of Black Sons

"I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me. When they approach me they see only my surroundings, themselves or figments of their imagination, indeed, everything, except me." 
~ Ralph Ellison

It is with a heavy heart I put words to paper this week and though it is not my desire to make a political statement, I feel compelled to express concern for the potential of my son. Not just his potential to grow up and become an asset to American society and the global community at large, but also the potential for him to become a casualty of apparent abhorrence.

The past few weeks, I have held my breath in angst imagining the dread of black mothers in South Africa and the segregated South under the Apartheid and Jim Crow eras respectively. They knew each time the sons of their wombs left the safety of home and hearth that at any flip of folly present in the youthful decision making of boyhood, their sons could be struck down and forgotten before their bodies met the ground. An after thought dressed in the sun kissed skin once a reflection of royalty, now an ill-fitted cloak sullied and scourged left to die alone with none to cradle their heads as they breathe their last.

Yes, it is true our community has issues with violence turned upon itself, though however relevant, to make this comparison in light of what has occurred before the eyes of the world is a false equivalent. These internal challenges should not permit open season upon the black sons of this country. The unique historical burden of our experience is one with which no other sons of America must contend and will require many years to unravel. This millstone of contempt weighs heavily upon the backs of black men no matter their station including the black man currently at the seat of power in the Oval Office of these United States. 

Breath in night-blessed skin
Glory born yet feared, war torn
They hate me Iya  
~JoiLotus

Why is my son expected to walk a tight rope of perfection not required of other American sons?

Though still of elementary school age, I lament the day his fever breaks and he wakes to discover a country that devalues him yet celebrates his best friend. I deplore the lessons his father and uncles will sooner rather than later have to pass along to him to preserve his life when he is inevitably pulled over or detained for that which would be routine for his American peers.

African-American sons also are American sons of conceivable greatness.

It is time my son be extended the benefit of the familiar adage, "boys will be boys" when he stumbles or loses his way as developing boys often do. He should be viewed as an individual beyond judgement and bias. My son should be accepted as a young man of potential to do good, not be considered an arm of a criminal collective on sight just by virtue of his heritage. 

I am not asking anyone to love him as I do or to miss him as I would. My son is real and he carries the reality of my fears with him each time he leaves the safety of my arms. My hope is that when he enters a room, moves through a crowd, hails a cab, and steps onto an elevator he is "seen" as an individual with a beating heart, a mind filled with dreams, and a soul worth saving.

To truly live as one nation under God, America should remember Romans 2:11 says, "God is no respecter of persons" and it is my prayer that when America looks upon her black sons she can begin to "see" them through the lens of His love.

"See" my son. He is not invisible in the eyes of the God in whom America purports to trust.

"See" my son.

"Our too-young-and-too-new America lusty because it is lonely, aggressive because it is afraid, insists upon seeing the world in terms of good and bad, the holy and the evil, the high and the low, the white and the black; our America is frightened of fact, of history, of processes, of necessity. It hugs the easy way of damning those of whom it cannot understand, of excluding those who look different, and it salves its conscience with a self-draped cloak of righteousness." ~ Richard Wright

Be Your Own Calvary

"It's not that some people have willpower and some don't ... it's that some people are ready to change and others are not." ~ James Gordon 

Well known motivational speaker, Les Brown often relates the following anecdote during his talks:

I was walking down the street and happened upon a man sitting on his porch. His dog was lying at his feet whimpering. "What's wrong with your dog?" I asked.  
"He's lying on a nail." 
"Lying on a nail," I said, "well, why doesn't he get up?" 
"It's not hurting bad enough," the man replied.

"In life pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." 
~ Haruki Murakami

There will be many episodes in life when our whimpers go unanswered and the Calvary never comes. Logic dictates that since his owner had done nothing to relieve the puppy's discomfort, he would move to another spot on the porch to avoid the nail. Clearly, a need was met by his decision to remain in pain.

Our goals are attached to every behavioral choice and internal needs drive us toward them. Goals are something one attempts to do or achieve while needs are a condition requiring supply or relief; a must have in order to live, succeed, or be happy. 

An internal need drives the dog to endure the discomfort of lying on the nail. Perhaps a desire to feel safe or by chance it's his favorite spot and his goal may be the sheer enjoyment of being near his owner. 

Who knows? 

But there he lies, atop that nail whimpering in pain.

"You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there." ~ Edwin Louis Cole

Practical critical thinking, safety, and survival skills are invaluable. In my Girl Scout days, my favorite lessons were the ones that taught self sufficiency. Possessing these tools is empowering though said knowledge and abilities are of little benefit if not employed when called upon to "save one's own soul".

No one can free us from a job we hate, bad influences, financial setbacks, or relationships gone wrong; only our choices can do that. When in pain, sitting in an unlocked cell resigned to misery with the keys in hand is self defeating. Life is too short to keep waiting for the Calvary. We have to be our own hero or heroine.

Determine the nails you are lying upon and uncover the unmet internal needs causing you to endure those dull aches. Once those needs are satisfied in more positive fashion, you can pursue your external goals with renewed strength and increased insight. 

Can you identify the unmet internal needs driving your goals?
Are you willing to lift yourself off the nails causing the discomfort in your life? 
What prevents you from being your own Calvary?

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." ~ Viktor E. Frankl